Game Plan

To reiterate, I will hide nothing from these diaries. I will record exactly how I am feeling and what i am doing even if I feel irreparable shame or guilt about it. You, yes you, reading this are either here because you too are completely and utterly exhausted with feeling emotionally and physically held captive to your eating disorder and anxiety. Or you are here because your are inherently curious if one of the many habits I will impanelment will help me more up the scale. Welcome to week one! 

Before starting week one lets do an update on how i'm feeling. I feel absolutely disgusted in my body. Out of my whole wardrobe only two pairs of pants and two hoodies fit me. I haven't left the house except to go to the grocery store at night and haven't seen one of my friends since October. 











The new habits were introducing is 
1. exercise for 30 min
2. scheduled meals

In addition to this, I will be documenting everything I eat through videoboth the good days and the hard ones I would normally keep hidden. Every night at 8 p.m., I’ll be sharing how the day truly went. No matter what happens, my commitment is to eat my scheduled meals and move my body for at least 30 minutes.

If you’ve read my first entry, In the Negatives, you know that I am actively seeking treatment and working with an eating-disorder therapist. So, reader, in many ways, you’ll be walking through this journey with me. This blog will become a space where I process, reflect, and heal one entry at a time.

I hold onto hope that things can get better, and that recovery is possible. I often think about something my therapist once asked me: Do you want to be living the same habits and routines three years from now? Do you want your daughter to grow up watching her mother weigh every calorie, unable to enjoy a slice of birthday cake? That question stays with me and it fuels my desire to change.

Goodnight for now. Rest well, my friend, and know that healing is possible, even when it feels far away.

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